How to Write Like AI

Stop trying to be more human—just embrace the future

Yes! You, too, can sound profound and thoughtful without being either.

Here’s how...

Start by using short sentences and paragraphs.

They hit hard.

They have impact.

They get monotonous.

(So what?)

Next, use groups of three even when one will do. Because three is better than one. And one is not as good as three.

Generally speaking, avoid specificity. Generalities are all-encompassing, noncommittal, and impossible to argue with. And specifics make it more likely you’ll unwittingly reveal you don’t really know what you’re talking about.

And let me tell you a story about the importance of stories…

One day, Sarah was sitting at her desk, the light coming through the window at that particular angle it sometimes does, illuminating the blank page in front of her. Her coffee was getting cold—as cold as her boss’s anger that her ad copy was late. But then, she thought of a story: a wonderful, marvelous story. With that story, the ad copy wrote itself. She showed her boss, and he immediately promoted her to copy chief, poured her a drink, and asked her advice on how to run the marketing department.

Now, here’s something really important: As often as possible, herald what you’re about to say with phrases like “Now, here’s something really important…” Or “Importantly…” “At the end of the day…” or “Remember…” And after you’ve expressed a thought or two, you can make it seem as if you’ve said something particularly worthwhile with a summary that begins, “In short…” “At the end of the day…” or “The bottom line is...”

Last but not least, remember that if you don’t have anything important to say, you can use structure to make it appear as if you do. Em-dashes are especially useful for this—they suggest thoughts are so profound they can barely be contained by a single sentence. Bullets, lists, and enumerating items (first, second, third…) make it seem as if you have such a wealth of knowledge that only a list can contain it.

And of course, nothing says profundity like saying what something is not, and then saying what it is. Because that’s not cheating—it’s creativity.

Above all, don’t just stop when you have no more to say. Leave the reader with the feeling that everything has been neatly wrapped up and tied with a bow by finishing up with a quote or adage.

Because, as some guy named Anonymous once said, “If you have nothing to say, quote someone who does.”